Will You Catch Me when I Fall?

I thought I was doing fine. I have always tried to be independent and not ask for help. But all of a sudden I didn't have a choice.....I needed people to catch me as I fell.

As I stated in an earlier post I struggle with mental illness. That isn't the totality of who I am, but it is a part. When I went through my "crash" this year I had to be humbled. I have always prided myself of being able to take care of things on my own. I rarely asked for help, and when I did it came with a lot of guilt. I realized in hindsight that my so called independence was not brave or necessary. It was simply my pride.

1 John 2:16 For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father but are from this world.

I wanted to project what I perceived to be true. That I could achieve all of the "things" I needed to without help. I could be the perfect wife, mother, daughter and friend without calling out to God or the people God put around me.

I quickly learned that this was in fact not true. God called us to be in relationship with each other. Just like the man in the Bible who's friends lowered him through the celling to see Jesus. I needed my friends to "pick up my mat" for me and get me back to where I needed to be.

I will be honest, it was not my choice at first. Paul, my husband, needed help. He needed help navigating the tangible things like meals, shuffling kids to and from school, practices, etc. But he was also needing emotional support. He needed "our" people to be praying a hedge of protection over me and our family. He needed people to tell him it was ok, that this was not going to last forever. He needed people to hear him, because I was incapable.

When I found out people knew my dirty little secret I was overcome with shame and embarrassment.

I didn't want people to see the nasty underbelly of who I was, a broken flawed human who needed help. I was quite frankly a mess. However, my need for my friends support became stronger than my need to remain independent, as Elsa would say I "let it go." There is freedom in letting people take care of you. There is a peace in knowing people unconditionally have your back. I was able to focus on getting healthy and not all of the other noise that comes with life. The truth is we all became closer because of my vulnerability. It deepened the bonds of friendship, they "felt" like family before. But they truly are my family now.

I realize not all of us have a community that can pick up our mats for us. We live in a time where we are isolated and out of touch with the people we consider family and friends. So I want to encourage you to take the time to be intentional. Call that family member, reconnect with an old friend who encouraged you in the past. Because although we may need them at some point, we also need to be there for others when they are falling. We need to be available to be help our brothers and sisters when they can't help themselves. If you don't have those people and you feel alone please know I am here and I am praying for you!

Always,

Sarah